I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
