Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
