He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
