I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
