i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
