she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
