My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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