You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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