You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
