Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize