quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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