So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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