i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
