have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
