is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
