I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
