Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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