why didn't you poke me back
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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