It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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