it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
