I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
