im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
