but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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