I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
