Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
