I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
