the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
