I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
