I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
