who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
