She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
