What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
how drunk are you?
Several
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize