Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
