So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
