Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
