brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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