Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
