nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
