I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I cut my penus on the lid.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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