I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
