Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
