Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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