Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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