You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
