You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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