I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
