i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I intend to get homeless drunk
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize