When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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