A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
