I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
