Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
