Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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