Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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