We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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