question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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