I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
