my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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