Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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