just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
