This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
