omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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