Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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