Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
