My liver just broke up with me...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize