I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
