guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
