I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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