i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize