you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
