There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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