My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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