maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
