I accidentally had phone sex last night
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
