Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
