after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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