somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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