the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
