Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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