I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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