so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
