Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
