my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
