Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
