I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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