Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize