I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
