i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
