I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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