the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
