I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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