do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
