i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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