and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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