Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
