hotel room ftw
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
