I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
