can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
