You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
