What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
