Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
