I bet he comes in French.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You pole danced in your parka.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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