You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
