Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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