Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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