i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Boobs speak an international language.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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